A Division of the Tidal Communications.

  What's New
  Success Stories
  Photo Gallery
  Angler's Report
  Shop eBerg
  Book Reviews
  Movie Reviews
  Open Forums
  Suggested Links

  Submit A Link

  The eKubator


Kittiwake Economic Development Corporation

The eKubator Project

Dealing With Homesickness
August 17, 2001
{Author: eBerg Staff}

  Q. How do you tell the Newfoundlanders when you get to heaven?

  A. They're the ones that want to go home.

Something about this place, this people, this culture. No matter how far you stray, you're bound to this rugged Rock with an invisible rope that draws you back.

That rope can also strangle you. From Scarborough to Sacramento to Sweden, Newfoundland expatriates are crippled by a poorly-understood phenomena known as post-rock-partum depression.

Clinical symptoms include sporadic emotional breakdowns when accordions play, glutting oneself on Vienna Sausages, confrontational encounters with grocery store managers that don't carry Mt. Scion savoury and having to be restrained from taking the redeye back to Too Good Arm.

Better halves married to expatriate Newfoundlanders can allay stories of finding their significant other in tears or catatonic states, usually induced by thoughts or news from home. It is not unusual for departing Newfoundlanders to immediately begin return/retirement plans after the ferry has drifted a couple hundred meters from the wharf at Port Aux Basques.

So how do you cope with that ball of unsettlement in your stomach, that sense of displacement, that longing for home that occasionally sweeps through your soul?

At eberg.ca we don't have the solutions, so we're calling on our readers. We do have a few suggestions to stave off homesickness, namely:

  • Fill the bathtub with salt, kelp and lobster. A convenient Atlantic Ocean in your own bathroom.
  • Stay together. Newfoundlanders have an uncanny ability to find each other. In these people, you find home.
  • Have the wife stand in the backyard with a flashlight affixed to her head replicating the sounds of a lighthouse.
  • Have a mug-up in the city park.
  • To replicate the weather, sit in the beer cooler at your nearest convenience store for an hour and a half while sporadically dousing yourself with the watering can.
  • Have parties where no one is allowed to leave the kitchen.
  • Make spirited naked runs through the neigbourhood clad only in a Newfoundland flag cape, screaming "Viva Newfoundland!" to the heavens.
  • Ask the boss how he's, "Getting on, old cock?"
  • Talk incessantly about the weather with anyone who will listen.
  • Find a gravel quarry. Camp there.
  • Stuff your pillow with imported Old Man's Beard.
  • Make a bog by flooding your backyard.
  • Ask if "there's either chance of getting some dabdowns" next time you go to the Olive Garden.
  • Say hello to absolutely everyone you see at the mall.
  • Tie a 12-point moose antler rack to the front of your mountain bike.
  • Throw a carton of frozen blueberries from the roof of your home onto the lawn, so you can go picking.
  • To replicate capelin beaching, cover the children in tin foil and have them wriggle around the driveway.

We welcome your suggestions on how to battle homesickness. Join our forum by CLICKING HERE.