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The eKubator Project

Lloyd's Movie Reviews…
August 17, 2001
{Author: eBerg Staff}





After a decent salmon season, we’ve managed to pry Lloyd off the river and back to the couch to give us his thoughts on a few of the new rentals. Enjoy it while you can - it appears Lloyd’s marriage is teetering on demise …


Chocolat

We just finished watching it. Not a bad movie, I s’pose. It’s about a town where everyone is very uptight. You know, like in Toronto. Anyway, this missus comes to town and starts servin’ up this chocolate that gets every one drove. It had Viagra in it or something, I don’t know. Anyway, for the most part this French missus was cookin’ up chocolate and me wife - on a diet, eating Becel three meals a day - was just about gone, ready to … (noise in background) … I’m on the phone! Hang on for a second … (Inaudible murmuring) … anyway, like I was saying, but the wife was telling me not to say, she watched the movie and ran off and eat a box of Pot of Gold left over from Christmas. Mind you, I figured she eat the whole Pot if she had hit it. Sweet jaysus, hang on again … (inaubible murmuring) … oh, she’s vicious now, then. (Murmuring in background) You never mind, my love, you go eat a tub of Becel now! (Returns to phone.) You ever eat Becel? Like paint thinner. Like I says, give me Eversweet or give me nothin’ at all.
Sugar and Spice

Now the missus didn’t watch this one for fear there be too much eating in it. Haha. Not eating, though. It was about a bunch of young girls who are cheerleaders and sets out to rob a bank as the lead girl had a bun in the oven and needed the money, if you knows what I means. Foolish! You never saw the like. Had lots of funny parts in it, I must say, even if it was farfetched.





Head Over Heels
This was another good movie. It had some lesbians and a few models and a dog with high sex drive - everything you needs for a bit of entertainment in a movie, hey’by. Hahah. Just kiddin’. Anyway, I had quite the laugh at it, especially when these models breaks into buddy’s apartment. Anyway, they’s hiding in his shower and buddy sits down on the john and starts blowin’ rockets to peel the paint. Man, was that funny. I ran over to get me buddy Jarv and rewound it and laughed again. Yes, it was a good laugh. I’d recommend it to anyone wantin’ to let loose a few belly laughs.




Meet The Parents
Now, I must say this was a good movie, although I was busy helpin’ the neighbour mend nets so I was really watchin’ it in 10 minute chunks. Basically, it’s all about this poor fella, played by Ben Stillman (editor’s note: Stiller) who goes out to meet the inlaws and they’re all cracked. Anyway, he can’t seem to do anything right - he smashes the bride in the face with a volleyball, burns down the altar, backs up the sewer and spray paints the cat. Robert Deniro was in it, which seems to be a change for him - you know, he usually acts as the killer of gangster it seems. Or is that him? I always gets him mixed up with that other fella, you know …. Hoo-ah! (editor’s note: Al Pacino.) My inlaws aren’t so bad, except sister-in-law who lives upalong with about 35 cats and not a man come within reach of her, on account her being a big fat beluga and all. Humpback, I calls her, after the whale, and that’s insulting the poor whale. What a dandy she is. Bitter! My son, she’s like a lemon. Hold on, the missus is gone off the head again. (Inaudible murmuring.) Missus don’t like me saying that about Eleanor Rigby, like I also calls her. If you wants to get a look at her, you can see her at Toronto Metro Zoo and she’s also starring in the new Planet of the Apes (Commotion in background.) Let me give you a call back in a bit, hey?