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Kittiwake Economic Development Corporation

The eKubator Project

A Newfoundland Party - A Complete How-To
October 26, 2001
{Author: eBerg Staff}


For the benefit of Newfoundlanders living abroad, whose minds may have been left vacant from too many years away from home, we offer the offical eBerg Complete Guide to Throwing the Perfect Newfoundland Party, regardless of where you're living. The mainland crowd has strange party habits. Those of you who have attended Mainland functions may have been initially baffled by rather foreign customs - i.e. coasters, sitting in the living room and civil conversation. Well, flabber our gasters! I've seen a livelier crowd at the Gander Public Library.


The Guests
The Key to the consummate Newfoundland Party is the right amount of bad chemistry. The host would be well served to ensure and invite people with a known dislike for each other, recently divorced couples, and so on. Make sure and invite people from a broad range of professions and backgrounds. There is no greater torte than a dozen lawyers sitting around the kitchen waiting for someone to perjure them so as to proceed with civil litigation. Invite everyone from accountants to the guy who shingled your house - this magical blend of diversity will get the party hopping like Ben Johnson on a steroid binge.

The Grub
The great thing about hosting a Newfoundland Party is that food preparation is very low-maintenance. A can of Vienna Sausages popped open and circulated is no work at all. We do, however, recommend great snacks with a tip of the hat to home - bottled mussels, a fry of moose, and you can never go wrong with a great rabbit stew. This culinary adventure can be made more fun if turned into game along the lines of Guess What I Just Dragged Out of the Deepfreeze?

The Venue
Only two places will suffice - the kitchen and the shed. Having both venues available makes for a superior party, as a tool shed provides the perfect bay in which to house unconscious guests. By no means are guests allowed to stray from either of these venues. The idea, of course, is to cram guests into a small area like teeming capelin. This encourages "incidental" friction which facilitates love, and a liberating lack of oxygen.

Music
Only one ironcast rule - make your own. The cutlery drawer is a rich source of instruments - spoons, strainers, overturned pots for drums, etc. Oh, and if anyone has a guitar to contribute, wonderful. All guests should be encouraged to participate in a rousing cry of mutilated lyrics that sounds like tomcats fornicating. Cheers!