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  The eKubator


Kittiwake Economic Development Corporation

The eKubator Project

The eBerg Sex Survey is in - the result? We're a bunch of freaks.
November 9, 2001
{Author: eBerg Staff}

Firstly, let us thank the people who took the time to lie about their sexual prowess in eBerg's First Annual Sex Survey. Actually, in perusing the results we were surprised by your honesty - well, for the most part anyway.

Most startling to us was the discovery that some 52% of expatriate Newfoundlanders were having less sex since they moved away. Good lord! Brothers and sisters, it's time to come home - we miss you desperately and your health demands a vibrant sex life. Don't let living abroad cipher the romance from your soul. 32% said they are having the same amount of sex, while 16% said they were having more.

63% said you could "sure as hell try" to have sex on the first date, while 27% said that everyone would be better served if sex could take place before the first date.

86% of respondents indicated that sex was better with a wine, beer and rum - leading us to believe that chilled glasses and ice are indeed a critical component of foreplay.

A majority 33% described their sex life as "A Class F Hurricane that threatens to destroy the town." Other responses were more timid - 17% likened their sex to a well-stirred glass of Purity Syrup. One poor fellow wrote us to say his wife likened their sex life to getting a vacinnation. We'll let your imagination fill in the blanks.

We were also surprised to read our respondent's sexual frequency response. 30% indicated they only had sex once a week. People! Who Wants to Be A Millionaire is not that engaging. We prescribe less Regis and more Roger; as it were. 23% said they had sex more than seven times a week, 27% had it three times or less and 17% had sex on an average five times a week.

As it turns out, you're also a promiscuous crowd. 47% of respondents reported having more than 25 partners or more. Man alive! Too bad you'll die from exhaustion.

33% of respondents had sex on the day they filled out the survey. 17% of poor souls had only one romp in the last month, and 13% said they were having sex as they completed the survey - leaving us with mental images that will prevent proper digestion for the better part of a year.

And, as if to buck the trend, a full 50% of respondents said their sexual performance was "average" - leading us to begin a project for the new year - a Guide to Sex for Newfoundlanders. However, 100% indicated that Newfoundland lovers were "superior in bed" to others.