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The eKubator Project

Lloyd's Movie Reviews
November 30, 2001
{Author: eBerg Staff}



Lloyd's back with his latest review of the rentals. This week he pontificates on his wife's underwear ("The Bluenose called. They wants their sail back") reveals his obsession with Reese Witherspoon and raves about Travolta's project "BoredFish."


Bridgette Jones Diary

Man, oh man, what a good movie. The fella who loves hookers - wasisname? (editors note: Hugh Grant) was excellent. And that anorexic one who chunked up to play the main missus (editors note: Renee Zellwegger), well she's a real talent and her accent was quite good, I thought. The funniest thing was when she was wearing these enormous underwear. It reminded me of the time Missus put out her enormous drawers on the line and I said "The Bluenose called, they wants their sail back." She loved that, alright. In the doghouse, heyby. I thought it would be one of those movies your missus wants to see so she can blubber and complain about your relationship, but it was really pretty good.



The Mummy Returns

I should have returned - this stupid movie! Had the Rock in it, which Jarv loved, but he was the best actor in it, which says something. The effects was all right, if you're into big swarms of boatbuilders crawling all over the place, and I got that in the basement, sure. Anyway, if I wants to look at crooked old mummies that wants to take over the world, I goes and visits father in the home. I can say that cause he don't know Internet from a gillnet. Father's got a touch of the Alzheimer's, or maybe he's just foolish. Anyway, he asks his caretaker to look under the bed to check his rabbit snares. And she does. Then he says, "I thought that was a good run there. Can't understand it." God love him. Tis a struggle to deal with, but Jarv said something I thought was pretty funny: "What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter Eggs." You got to find the humour in the situation somehow, I suppose.

Cats and Dogs

Now let me tell you, I hates cats like I hates the Montreal Canadiens. So it was good in this movie cause the cats gets the business from the dogs. Still, it was really for kids and I watchin' it and over come Jarv and he see what I'm watching and want to be calling the mental. Good if you got kids and you wants the little devils to be staying out of your hair for an hour or so.






Legally Blonde

This one was about a bimbo from California who goes off to be a lawyer. Why she want to do that is beyond me. The world needs more lawyers like I needs more heartburn. Anyway, that Missus Reese Withers (editors note: Reese Witherspoon) is the gear, so Jarv had to come over and watch and he be talking about Reese's Pieces for three days.







Swordfish

Man, was this ever stupid. Fellas shooting two automatic rifles with each hand. Yes, oh man, I goes out for turrs blowing them to feathers with a 12 gauge in either hand. Then there was all this crap about computers and hacking, and that stuff is dull. No offense to you fellas out there, but people who is into computers didn't do much heavy lifting as a child. You cart two cords of wood around the backyard, you won't be getting into the computers. Anyway, in this movie BoredFish all that happens is people goes around driving like maniacs, like you crowd out in Gander drives.